Photo via BlacklistLA

At this point in time, I am halfway through two workouts – Yoga With Adriene’s Yoga Revolution and BlacklistLA’s 16 week marathon training. I have been giving both my best, and at the same time, being kind to myself and listening to my body. I completed a half marathon right before marathon training; in my mind that gave me a pass to take the first half of training lightly. I’ve been following Blacklist’s marathon training, but I haven’t been showing up to all of the group runs. I’ve been doing them on my own, and cutting corners a little bit – subtracting miles here, and adding them there. I’ve been sick, it’s been cold, my work schedule changes up on me, and I had a few side projects that, while fulfilling, were incredibly stressful to complete. Oh yea, and you know, holiday season. Now that it’s the halfway point, I want to give more. I want to finish this marathon strong. I used to have a 4 hour 30 minute time goal, and while I’m still hoping, mostly I want to finish without wanting to die. I want the hills to not kill my knees. I know it’s going to be one of the most challenging days of my life, but I want it to feel as good as possible. I want to be prepared. Afterwards, I want a beer or 5 and a really big lunch.

I’m starting to realize just how much commitment this is going to take. I’m an introvert anyway, so training for races is my fave activity. Being a part of a run club is great because we chat, but we run too, and running is so personal. I have two more weeks of things to check off the calendar (one of them being a half marathon, which means I miss a training run, but those two things are basically the same), and then I’m all in. I can’t compromise my time off anymore. I wanted this – I signed up for the marathon, I paid for the marathon, I’m training for the marathon, no more excuses.

Training for the BlacklistLA Happy Bday LA 5k, but same focus as marathon training. Photo via BlacklistLA

I’m also halfway through Yoga With Adriene’s 3rd annual 30 day yoga sequence. I’ve done 30 Days of Yoga and Yoga Camp, and this year am delighted to say I’m doing Yoga Revolution as the videos are coming out each day! Okay, okay, I’ve had some catching up to do, because I had to work the brunch shift New Year’s Day and there was NO WAY I was exercising after that beast (because you know I celebrated NYE the night before too, just with the party-pooper knowledge I had to be at work at 8am the next morning to bake vegan pastries). I still have like two videos to catch up on, BUT I THINK THAT’S PRETTY GOOD! On top of things! Mostly!

Something has happened to me, in the last couple of years, but this last year especially, where I gave up the fight. I just, gave up. The fire is gone. I had a string of bad, sad luck, and it changed me. Running has helped immensely; I’m so thankful for all that is happened since I started training for my first half marathon. You really get to see what you’re made of on a long ass run. But I still find in my everyday interactions that I’m not there. I just don’t care anymore. Not in a way that’s cool and I shrug my shoulders and put on my shades. I just don’t have the heart to put into the things I used to love and be passionate about. Maybe I’m putting too much into this, but I feel like if I can train for, and complete this marathon, I’ll find some strength within that I just can’t seem to muster lately (like two years). Or maybe I’ll have some epiphany out there and figure out whatever it is I’m too scared to leap for. Yea, sounds like I’m putting too much on this marathon, but I still bet finishing is going to be awesome. Nothing like a happy cry at the finish line (whatever it takes to keep from puking, right?).