With a heavy heart I have to admit, the Zion Half Marathon is not happening for Mike and I.

I’ve been very disappointed the last few days, in a way that was shocking even to me. I think I’ve known for a little while we probably wouldn’t be able to swing it; I was hoping we could make it happen with tax returns, my new job, Taco Bell burritos, and maybe a sleep or two in the car. Tears have definitely been shed, even though I know in my heart of hearts that it’s just a race. And if I had to choose again between Rock’n Roll San Francisco earlier this month, and Zion, I would 100% pick SF again because Mike and I got quality time with my grandma.

But I’m still sad about it. I’ve been excited for this one for awhile. I still remember signing us up last July, secretly, while we were on the couch visiting Mike’s parents. I told Mike “check your email” and we were both so excited. I’m disappointed now. It’s a minor hiccup in a period of time with a lot of hiccups.

Instead of focusing on the the negative, which I used to revel in, I’m going to focus on the positive.

We won’t be emptying out our bank accounts to make this trip work.

We both started new jobs this month.

There are a couple of other half marathons this weekend I can partake in with morning of bib pick-up and less travel time.

We’re still together and working through the disappointments life has served us as a new couple. We’ve had a ton of ups, but also a lot of downs that would normally be hard to bear with a new person. We always see the reasons for fighting for each other (even if it takes a few days of space). I’ll never forget two weeks into our relationship when I came home to my 14.5 year old cat/life companion Indie, not looking well. Like, I knew, I knew it was the end but didn’t want to know, and I called Mike in tears. He left his job early in Venice to come to Westlake/McArthur Park/Historic Filipinotown where I lived, called local vets, and picked us up to take us to an animal hospital. I had to put her down and he was there. He was fully there. He was there with vodka in his trunk so we drank on a hill in Echo Park, a half mile where I just killed my cat, and we cheers’d to her life. We got pizza after and he dropped me off at work in the morning. I knew I loved him. I knew he was special. He was patient and full of love. I watch him constantly show up for people he cares about. That’s an incredible quality and I am lucky. And Indie loved him. She crawled up on his chest and fell asleep on him the first time he came over. My old roommate Crystal said “She knew you found your soulmate so she could go to kitty heaven”.

Back to Zion not happening:

I wish I could tell you I handled all of this with grace, ease, and that seeing the bright side came naturally to me. It did not. I wish I could tell you that running has cured me of years of darkness, anxiety, and hard times, but I cannot. What I can tell you is that it’s made bouncing back easier. It’s made apologizing easier and not falling into old traps somewhat easier. It’s a positive outlet, full of goals, progress and constantly learning new methods, and about what my body can do! We’re not even getting a DNS! I was able to defer our entry until next year, which is usually unheard of in the races I sign up for! It did cost a small fee – $20 each. But way better than eating the entry costs ($110 each).

Am I still disappointed? Yes. Did everything get put into perspective and I realized how much of a non-deal this is? Yes. Do I still want to run a half marathon this weekend? Yes. Do I still want a private room in a hotel or motel with my boyfriend this weekend. YES.